The Friend Nobody Likes - Dane Cook
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[00:01.14]So I＇m hangin＇out with all of my buddies, and uh, I realize something,
[00:05.22]I realize something. Think of the group of people you＇ve known
[00:07.17]The longest in your life. think of the group of friends you＇ve hung out
[00:09.75]With the most, maybe you＇re all here tonight.
[00:12.45]And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and here it is, right here:
[00:15.87]There is one person, in every group of friends, that nobody f**king likes.
[00:31.8]You basically keep them there, to hate their guts.
[00:37.86]When that person is not around the rest of your little base camp,
[00:41.16]Your hobby, is cutting that person down.
[00:45.33]Example: ＂Karen, is always a douchebag.＂
[00:50.01]Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of douche.
[00:54.6]And when she＇s not around, you just look at each other and say,
[00:56.82]＂God, Karen, she＇s such a douchebag!＂.
[01:00.06]Until she walks up, then you＇re like,
[01:01.71]＂Hey, what＇s up Kar-?Kar-. What＇s up Kar-?＂
[01:07.05]There＇s always that one person -and I＇m lookin＇out and some of guys
[01:10.020004]Are like ＂umm, i disagree.＂
[01:11.520004]Well you＇re the person -You＇re the person nobody likes.
[01:23.4][Person from audience mumbles
[01:26.7]I know, it is so true, and that＇s why it＇s funny.
[01:29.94]It is so true, that＇s why it＇s funny, because, it＇s so true, hence, funny.
[01:39.119995]Your whole life that person has been there.
[01:41.1]That＇s how Brian is in our group. Nobody likes Brian.
[01:44.16]Yet everywhere we go, Brian would show up,
[01:46.259995]Even if we didn＇t tell him where we were going.
[01:49.229996]We would go someplace and he would do that I Just Found You run.
[01:52.29]＂H-h-h-h-hi guys. What＇s up guys?＂
[01:58.619995]And one of us would always see him and warn the rest of the group.
[02:01.14]We＇d be like,
[02:01.68]＂F**king Brian is coming.＂
[02:04.41]＂What?＂
[02:04.59][whispered
[02:06.57]That＇s his name, F**king Brian Is Coming.
[02:09.41]I heard a rumor, when he was born, even the doctor said,
[02:12.48]＂F**king Brian is coming. Let＇s get this demon seed out of here.＂
[02:16.53]That＇s what I＇m saying -quote, unquote.
[02:18.06]And you can quote me on the quote, unquote.
[00:05.22]I realize something. Think of the group of people you＇ve known
[00:07.17]The longest in your life. think of the group of friends you＇ve hung out
[00:09.75]With the most, maybe you＇re all here tonight.
[00:12.45]And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and here it is, right here:
[00:15.87]There is one person, in every group of friends, that nobody f**king likes.
[00:31.8]You basically keep them there, to hate their guts.
[00:37.86]When that person is not around the rest of your little base camp,
[00:41.16]Your hobby, is cutting that person down.
[00:45.33]Example: ＂Karen, is always a douchebag.＂
[00:50.01]Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of douche.
[00:54.6]And when she＇s not around, you just look at each other and say,
[00:56.82]＂God, Karen, she＇s such a douchebag!＂.
[01:00.06]Until she walks up, then you＇re like,
[01:01.71]＂Hey, what＇s up Kar-?Kar-. What＇s up Kar-?＂
[01:07.05]There＇s always that one person -and I＇m lookin＇out and some of guys
[01:10.020004]Are like ＂umm, i disagree.＂
[01:11.520004]Well you＇re the person -You＇re the person nobody likes.
[01:23.4][Person from audience mumbles
[01:26.7]I know, it is so true, and that＇s why it＇s funny.
[01:29.94]It is so true, that＇s why it＇s funny, because, it＇s so true, hence, funny.
[01:39.119995]Your whole life that person has been there.
[01:41.1]That＇s how Brian is in our group. Nobody likes Brian.
[01:44.16]Yet everywhere we go, Brian would show up,
[01:46.259995]Even if we didn＇t tell him where we were going.
[01:49.229996]We would go someplace and he would do that I Just Found You run.
[01:52.29]＂H-h-h-h-hi guys. What＇s up guys?＂
[01:58.619995]And one of us would always see him and warn the rest of the group.
[02:01.14]We＇d be like,
[02:01.68]＂F**king Brian is coming.＂
[02:04.41]＂What?＂
[02:04.59][whispered
[02:06.57]That＇s his name, F**king Brian Is Coming.
[02:09.41]I heard a rumor, when he was born, even the doctor said,
[02:12.48]＂F**king Brian is coming. Let＇s get this demon seed out of here.＂
[02:16.53]That＇s what I＇m saying -quote, unquote.
[02:18.06]And you can quote me on the quote, unquote.
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